30th August is National Grief Day, so we asked one of our trainers, Michela, to write about how you can look after your mental health while experiencing grief.
Although 72% of the British public find grief difficult to talk about, all of us at some point in our lives will experience a bereavement or loss.
This might be the death of a loved one – a parent, child, partner, family member, friend or pet. Or it might be a high-profile death that has been publicised in the media; even though we don’t know them personally, we may still be affected by this loss. We may have also been bereaved by suicide or experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth.
Grief is the process we go through as we adjust to loss and describes the range of emotional, cognitive, functional and behavioural responses we may experience. It is a highly personal and individual process and there is no set timeline or right way to grieve.
There are different types of grief. Anticipatory grief is the sense of loss we feel when we are expecting a death, for example, when a loved one has a terminal illness. Secondary loss is the sense of loss we feel when thinking future experiences that our loved ones will not be there to share. Finally, collective grief occurs when a community experiences a significant loss together.
After experiencing a bereavement, there are range of grief responses you might experience as a result of that loss, such as sadness, anger, denial, numbness, overwhelm, even relief. You might also experience changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, or difficulty concentrating. Grief affects everyone differently, and there is no right or wrong way to feel.
Following a loss, it is natural to feel like your whole life has been disrupted. This may mean that your sleep is disturbed, you may be eating unhealthily, or you may start using substances like alcohol or drugs in an attempt to numb difficult feelings – all of which are likely to make your mental health poorer.
However, prioritising your wellbeing can help whilst you navigate this difficult time. Therefore, it can be helpful to try to:
- Get enough sleep. Try and relax before bed and make sure your bedroom is a calm place which is clear of distractions.
- Eat well. Eating regular healthy meals can make a big difference to your overall sense of wellbeing.
- Avoid drugs and alcohol. Alcohol and drugs tend to make it difficult in the longer term for you to manage your feelings and find healthier ways to help you to cope.
- Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing exercises, meditation, or mindfulness can provide moments of calm and help you manage overwhelming emotions.
- Engaging in activities that bring comfort, or joy can also be beneficial. Identifying hobbies, interests, or activities you find uplifting and making time for them.
- Connect with others. Leaning on your support network is a valuable tool to help you manage the mental load associated with grief, and sharing feelings and experiences can provide comfort and understanding.
It’s important to remember however, that sometimes self-care isn’t enough to get you through very difficult times and it’s okay to get professional help with grief. There is a wealth of support that is available to support you:
Cruse Bereavement Support
Child Bereavement UK
Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Charity (SANDS)
Sue Ryder (Bereavement support, as well as care for people with terminal illness)
AMPARO (support for those bereaved by suicide)
‘Say not in grief ‘they are no more’ but in thankfulness that they were.’
Photo by Transly Translation Agency on Unsplash